When people base their success and acceptance in others I think it’s pathetic.

Lately I’ve been reading this book and I won’t say the name because then it will make me seem like I’m some freak of nature. Which I’m already to almost everyone because I recently became a vegetarian.

Anyways in the book the main theme is about conscience and if people have one or don’t. Apparently I don’t really have one. Well I do but my conscience isn’t why I do certain things. It can be a multitude of other things.

About an hour ago my friend called me and let’s paint the picture. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is prep for tomorrow and go to bed. My friend wanted to chat about his day. Just one problem I wasn’t sounding so excited and quite frankly I could care less. Instead I continued but my friend realized and abruptly ended the call.

Lets think about it. Does this affect me in any way? No. Do I want to really know about his job and who he had lunch with? No. Do I feel bad for not caring? No. Honestly if he would of stopped being my friend forever would it even bother me? No.

I could of continued to fake excitement only because somehow that’s the “right thing” to do. That is what people would tell me to do yet I know the right thing to do was to not answer the call just like I had not replied to his text 2 hours before. See now that right there was conscience.

I seriously need to move out of my parents house ASAP.

Some habits just won’t die and I can’t live like that. I simply can’t.

I’ve always believed that in order to be a happy, healthy, positive person you must be surrounded by that type of energy and removing all the bad even if it includes family.

Plus I’m not a very family oriented person and I’ve always seen it as just me, myself, and I.

That’s why I need to make changes in my life and get rid of all the bad.

So it’s day 7 of my detox and I have to say I feel fabulous.

Of course this past week I’ve not consumed a single animal base product, not a single carb, and quite honestly not a single cooked food.

This week I’ve not been a vegetarian or a normal vegan but instead I’ve been a raw food dietist. Which means that all the consumption I’ve been doing is from raw fresh fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Also people on the raw diet don’t consume foods cooked over 118 degrees Fahrenheit.

By being on this raw diet thanks to my detox I now know I don’t have to eat or drink dairy milk and eggs. Although, I will from time to time if I can’t say no to certain desserts because I have a really bad sweet tooth.

I honestly can say that I’m not looking back at a diet consisting of eating animal fresh.

I’m currently doing a detox cleanse and while I’m on it I am only allowed to eat raw fresh veggies, fruits, and nuts. I along with water, non dairy milk, and juices.

Pretty much for the next 6 days (I’m already going on to day) I’m a vegan. This whole time I’ve been online finding ways to eat and prepare meals with what I have.

This has inspired me to continue into a vegetarian lifestyle even after I’m done with my detox.

I say vegetarian because I do love real authentic dairy products and eggs. Hopefully slowly and one day I can be a vegan. If not I am content with being vegetarian.

I have always considered myself to be a closeted vegetarian and it’s time for me to come out.

Today May 31, 2013 I will become who I was meant to be, a vegetarian

It’s about to be 3am and there are birds chirping outside my window.

Sweet sound of nature’s music.

“three little birds sat on my window and they told I don’t need to worry…”

Open the gates and let the flood of tears rush out faster than the thoughts I actually cry about.

I just removed the bandages that keep the heart together and it hurts just about the same as it did before.

I allowed myself to remember how you feel. I can honestly feel you. I know the warmth of your skin, the softness of your hair, I can hear your heartbeat… your taste.

Yet I don’t want to remember your voice. It will never say what I wanted to hear.

It feels so good to be back to Texas.

I can honestly say that New York City is just not for me. On the other hand I fell in love with Toronto in Canada.

Now the trip was so much fun and exciting until the very end.

I’m off to bed because this girl right here has work in the morning.

Goodnight tumblr and I missed you.

So I’m moving out! ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!!!!

Me and my co-worker will be roomies and seriously we are alike. Except she truly is a vegan (I’m slowly getting there, not I just had a burger).

We found a nice place we are 86% serious about. Hopefully it all goes great and we get it.

In the meantime I’m dedicating my time and energy in decorating it. I already spent $200+ on my bathroom. Yeah you can imagine the rest.

If you don’t know now you will know that I FUCKING love furniture. As an interior design student it’s mandatory right?

I already uploaded some of the pieces I’m thinking of purchasing. Definitely worth every penny!

Wish me luck!!!!

Omg I’m super duper excited that soon I will be moving out of my parents house (finally!) and into an apartment I will be sharing with my co-worker/friend/little whore in training lol

I can’t wait for June to get here!

First things first like as in tomorrow I will be going after church to check furniture. As an interior design student lets just say it will be an orgasmic experience.

Then me and my future roommate along with my other BFF will be embarking on a trip up north. May 9th get here faster!!!

Things couldn’t possibly be getting better than this but they will, even if there are still those you know what moments.

Oh how I missed the Saturday nights where I would stay home on tumblr.

Seriously today the city of Houston is underwater.

It’s still raining with thunder and lightning.

I decided to not go to work and not go out. What’s the point.

So yeah I’m just going to be torturing myself with photos of the food I wish I could eat (but can’t cause it’s late) then look at the photos of skinny girls in swim suits.

It’s such a love hate relationship tumblr!

I always seem to find something that takes me back to that moment in time. You know the “dark” ones.

Just when you think it’s gone whatever happens to be leftover, the scar, seems to creep up under you.

I am in so much fucking pain!

On Wednesday at 8:30 am I had a kickboxing class and holy glittery balls it kicked my ass!

So today Thursday I woke up sore as if an 18 wheeler ran over my body 63681405720 times.

Yeah I’m so out of shape. I need to stop smoking, and drinking, and eating bad, eating late, eating carbs, sleeping late, and being lazy. Pretty much I gotta stop being myself.

I went on a date with basically the most perfect guy ever!!!

Originally from the Midwest but so far he is living in Houston because of work.

Seriously this guy is gorgeous, funny, over 6 feet, smart, just under 30, fit, good looking, and nerd. Well I mean he is white, wait a ginger actually (I always think white guys have a nerdy side idk why).

He also is responsible since he has an important position at work and is a homeowner. Travels a lot just for fun because like me he wants to experience the world. A major plus is that his best friend is gay so you know he supports the LGBT community.

My friends told me they would be mad if I screwed things up with him. THEY ARE ON HIS SIDE! How rude!!!!!

If I was a 23 year old looking to get married this would be THE guy. Sadly I’m not and watch me sabotage myself like I always do.

Should I or should I not that pursue this guy? That is the question.

Who am I?

Sometimes I don’t even want to know.

I run, I dream, I daze, and I scream.

Never really admitting to myself who I am.

Knowing who I am is too scary so I much rather focus on who I will be.

That hasn’t happen which means its not real. If its not real it doesn’t exist. If it doesn’t exist then there is no need to know.

And that’s how I’ll go asking “Who am I?” and replying “I have time to find out”.

The problem is you don’t have time. But I don’t know that because it hasn’t happened and if it hasn’t happened its not real, and if its not real it doesn’t exist. Then there is no need to know.

IM SO FAT!!!!

Like you have no idea OMG it’s ridiculous.

My thighs and hips are and always will be my biggest problem area.

So if I gain weight immediately stuff won’t close, fit, or zip down there in that bottom region.

How I came to the conclusion was that I was becoming Regina George in Mean Girls; wearing sweats. Hello elastic, UNFORGIVABLE!

Then on the other hand if I lose weight for some reason I don’t look good thin. I’m naturally really bony (even with this weight on me) so can you imagine thinner. I’ll be a skeleton.

It’s so hard to find a balance. If I was thinner I wish I didn’t look like some frail skeleton but if I was fatter I wish I had a proportionate curvy body.