Rejection? No, Appreciation!

When others can’t see how good they have it with you then that’s a shame for them. Not you. The fact you can see your worth when no one else can, that’s power.

Like the saying goes you could be the sweetest juiciest peach and there will still be someone who hates peaches. It’s fine I’ll carry my juicy peach of an ass right on out of your life. Yeah that’s right it squat MOTHAFUCKERSSSSS!!!!

Im 25 bitches!!!!

On October 6th I turned 25, honestly I’m so happy! I feel that here in tumblr I can fully express myself.

Gosh life is hard I’ve been through so much and most of the times it’s me. I like to build walls when they aren’t there and make small problems so big I lose control. Being 25 is like such an accomplishment (ok I’m getting emotional) there are times I don’t want to try anymore but my God has something for me. I feel blessed and truly grateful for what I have (ok now I’m really crying). I have so much to live for its crazy like I should be sleeping but I’m so full of emotions and thoughts I don’t know what to do with myself lol.

I’ve gotten many happy birthdays but the one that matters the most needs to come from me. So happy freaking birthday Crystal you deserve this and oh so many more!

Safe

All my life I wanted to feel safe.

Now that I’m safe I crave danger, excitement, the unknown.

Safety doesn’t move me.

Past the Time, Passing Time

I know I should be sleeping but something in me won’t let me. Now I’m in the sofa naked under my baby blanket.

Maybe I ate too much and now I can’t sleep.

Maybe the coffee earlier today is keeping me awake.

I really don’t know? But something is not right in here. You know where your heart is?

Maybe I ate, a whole lot of sadness dark as coffee.

M.I.A.

Lately I’ve been gone from most social media because since the beginning of the year I’ve been busting my butt in the gym.

A lot of changes have been made in my life besides not being on tumblr.

I’m no longer a vegetarian. I only eat fish which is a lot, gotta get that protein.

Yet I do plan on going back to a vegetarian lifestyle once I meet my fitness goals. Might take a year but I shall go back go not eating the fear.

With everything in life after awhile things tend to plateau so I don’t become bored of working out so much I figured I track down my progress and some motivation.

Can’t wait for the next chapter in my life I turn 25 in October .

Xo crystal

Clocking In

Sometimes we try to change who we are yet we don’t.

So many times I’ve said “I’m going to change, I promise” or “this is the last time,vi swear”

Somehow we find ourselves there and once we do realize and have this desperation to change we’re in too deep.

Seriously I tried so hard to do things right and play nice. I thought I had quit that job of having to put on a fight. Guess not?

Some things just don’t get fixed by playing nice we must get our hands dirty.

Secretly I am devastatingly good at playing dirty. Time to put in the hours.

So I’m clocking in one more time to do what I do best. I promise one last time. At least for the remainder of this year.

;)

Identity

It’s such a big responsibility to be a woman. I feel my vagina has held me back.

That’s all I am a vagina.

Maybe if I had been born a boy I could of been stronger, bolder, and fearless?

That way I wouldn’t have to lock my door, keep pepper spray on my key chain, and hurry to get inside the house.

Maybe even then I would have the courage to leave this familiar place and wander around the world. But I’m just a vagina such an easy prey.

One day I won’t be scared to be hurt again.

So there’s this guy…

…and he seems amazing and like always too good to be true.

Just like before here I am contemplating all the bad that will arise.

It’s not that I don’t think I’m good enough. There’s a difference in thinking you’re not good enough and knowing you’re not the right one.

I’m a little to numb right now to even doubt anything.

Guess that’s what happens with time.

All I am is Yours

I feel like I need Jesus but not because I don’t have him. More like I need Him to guide me yet I’m scared of what He will tell me. I’m not ready for that ultimate sacrifice. Why do I find ways to sabotage my life. I make things extra complicated?

I prefer avoiding things and not attaching myself to something I can lose. Life has a funny thing of coming and trying to screw you from behind.

I stress but truly it doesn’t matter. My body, mind, and soul belongs to Him and the riches of His love will always be enough.

Bleach or bleh?

So me and my friend were talking about anal bleaching because apparently is the way to go.

I’ve read that bleaching your vagina/anus with actual bleach is dangerous. Beauty is pain for sure.

The other day on the CBS reality show Big Brother two girls were bleaching themselves. Although they only used honey and lime juice.

My Google search engine is so unbelievable with random inappropriate searches.

Lmao this post is WAY too personal! My apologies

Cigs

So tonight I had a cancer stick.

Haven’t had one in 2 months I’d like to say.

Yeah whatever.

Opening Scabs

Nothing will ever heal and scar because I keep picking at my emotional scabs.

Today was one of those days where I just went at it with the picking that happily didn’t get so bad. I won’t lie I almost lost it a few times in public. I hate when that happens shows how vulnerable I am.

All I know is that tomorrow is a new day where I can make my wrongs right of course if I’m given the opportunity to wake up once more.

Just Tonight

Tonight is one of nights where I stay up and think, regret, cry, and hope.

I’m so fortunate to know I’m not alone that He is always with me as my spiritual shoulder to lean on.

Tonight I will turn my problems to Him because he will stay up all night making the impossible possible.

Nothing is ever to big or difficult!

Tomorrow is a new day where blessings will pour out from the sky.

Just tonight and any other night I need to remember He is LOVE.

Maybe Tomorrow

Every night before sleep I set my alarm to go early to the gym in the morning and every morning I don’t.

How funny is that?

Well today was going to be different. (Yeah how so?)

But I woke up around 4:57am and now I can’t sleep. I set my alarm at 7:30 but oh God I’m lazy.

Just now as I was typing the title to this post I realized something: “Crystal the most beautiful, smart, and funny of them all” (ok maybe that’s not how it started lol)

In all seriousness I thought, “Crystal you’re over here trying to take care of animals by being a veg and taking care of your environment by being Eco friendly but what about you and you’re health and fitness?”

Now you’re thinking “DAAAAAAMN that was a lot of thinking while typing that short post title?” I also am thinking that too. Now what y’all don’t know is that I’m a slow “typer” but a fast thinker. HA!

So yeah moral of the story is for me to take my fat ass to the gym and stop hitting the snooze button every morning and too stop wearing workout clothes when I didn’t or won’t workout because its only deceitful (breathe…resume) but it makes me feel good so DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!

The end.